Leadership is full of qualities that are seemingly contradictory. Examples of leadership paradoxes include:
- Be authentic but be aware that emotions are contagious
- Look out for the greater good but care for the individual
- Treat team members uniformly but allow for individualization
- Act decisively but collaborate to empower and enroll others
- Maintain both distance and closeness with team members
- You have a giant spotlight on you but show your humanity
These paradoxes can be incredibly confusing. Why do these messages seem to oppose one another? What are leaders supposed to believe?
When leaders operate with binary, either/or thinking, they tend to over rotate to one side or the other of the opposing qualities. It can be challenging to reconcile how to lead or follow leadership wisdom when characteristics feel in conflict.
You can feel like you are supposed to lead in a certain way all the time but the truth is, it’s not possible. This can lead to self-judging your leadership style.
Leadership is not one side or the other. Instead of viewing leadership in absolutes, we can view leadership as holding all aspects as true. Leadership is not yes to one behavior and no to the opposing behavior. Leadership is yes/and.
It is important to recognize that paradoxes coexist in leadership. Greater awareness of the paradoxes alleviates pressure and highlights the complexity of leadership.
To expand on how topics seemingly at odds can coexist, here are ideas I’ve shared recently that must operate concurrently for the best results:
- Work and play
- Wellbeing and productivity
- Caring for yourself and maximizing your leadership performance
Examples of common paradoxes of leadership:
1. Be authentic and be aware that emotions are contagious
The concept of authentic leadership has gotten increasingly popular in recent years. While showing up as your full self is essential, over-flexing authenticity is not realistic and can be problematic. Leaders can feel like they need to be authentic in all facets of leadership continually, which truly isn’t possible.
In leadership, there isn’t full permission for emotional authenticity. It’s not necessarily beneficial or effective to share your emotions or thoughts in certain situations. For instance, if you are leading a meeting to inspire others towards achieving a goal while feeling defeated and stressed out, you might not want to share your feelings. With the awareness that emotions are contagious, you recognize you can’t tell the truth all the time.
A more nuanced approach to showing up authentically means being true to your moral compass, integrity, principles and core values. Discern where and with whom it is appropriate to express yourself fully, including sharing both the positive and difficult emotions.
2. Look out for the greater good and care for the individual
As leaders, we must look out for the greater good of the broader team/organization. Yet, fostering team vitality includes showing care for the individual as a whole person.
Sometimes those two aspects are at odds with each other. It can be hard to reconcile how to lead with the greater good in mind when you want to care for the individual.
For example, if an individual is working on their development but not improving quickly enough to meet the expected performance, then the leader might need to make a tough decision that is best for the team/organization. However, the leader can do so in a kind, respectable way that demonstrates care for the individual.
Even with care, doing what is right for the greater good can feel challenging. This is an example of the complexity of leadership.
3. Act decisively and collaborate to enroll and empower others
Leaders must both make decisions quickly and also collaborate to empower their team.
For instance, the board or your leader could expect you to be decisive and take action quickly. At the same time, you know the importance of collaborating and empowering your team.
How can you incorporate both without false collaboration? In other words, how do you do this without having already made the decision but pretending like you are collaborating?
The answer is, to put it simply, you must understand when you are the decision maker and need to take action quickly versus when it’s a collaborative moment to enroll others and get their perspectives.
How to integrate the paradoxes:
1. Build your awareness muscle
Develop your understanding that multiple things can be true at the same time. While all these aspects of leadership may feel at odds with each other, they all must exist together within leadership. They are part of what makes leadership so hard. It’s possible to hold these qualities in a way that allows us to show up congruent with ourselves. This will help you determine and be fluid in discovering that balance every day.
As you build your awareness, you build compassion for yourself and others about how hard it actually is to be a leader or executive. Bring acceptance and love to what feels complex.
Acknowledging this gives you permission that it’s okay to be that way. Remember, you chose a challenging and not an easy path. Come back to the bigger picture of why you are choosing to be in leadership.
Reflection: Notice what within your own leadership feels at odds. Where might two things that feel completely at odds need to exist together?
2. Focus on situational leadership
With every situation and person, there is typically a different place we must lead from. This can stretch our leadership range. It’s important to look at each situation to determine where to focus on one paradoxical aspect more versus where to integrate the two concepts.
Once you understand the places in your work and leadership where aspects feel in conflict, it allows you to find different balance points. Instead of over-rotating to only exhibit one side, you can determine where it’s appropriate to demonstrate each opposing quality. In addition, knowing both sides exist can help you determine where it’s most appropriate to find the middle ground between the extremes.
Reflection: Where do you need to focus on one paradoxical aspect more than the other? Where do you need to integrate both concepts? What are the right balance points?
3. Replenish your vitality
Recognize it’s potentially draining to hold and act in seemingly contradictory styles. Therefore, it’s crucial to build your own foundations of well-being to handle the hard.
Exhibiting behaviors that stretch you outside of your comfort zone and acting in ways different than your natural tendencies, takes more energy.
Reflection: What paradoxical leadership aspects require more energy for you? How could you replenish your energy in these situations?
4. Lead with your core values
With all the conflicting aspects of leadership, what is the constant?
Your core values are the principles you lead and live by. They are your compass to navigate paradoxical aspects of leadership. When areas do feel in conflict, lean into how you might lead in a way that reflects one or more of your core values. This constant can help you find your leadership balance points.
Make sure you are clear on your core values. If you aren’t or haven’t reflected on them in at least a year, it’s time for a refresh. Use the Core Values Worksheet to help you.
Consistently lead with your core values to guide a yes/and approach to leadership.
Reflection: How could you lead with your core values when something feels contradictory?
